Escaping Reality
by RhymingWithSilver
Summary: Edward reflects on his life without Bella. Pretty angst. OneShot, possible sequel. New Moon.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I felt like writing something, and look what happened! It turned out good! Shock, horror. Yeah, it does appear I can actually write good stuff...so my friend was wrong! Ha, take that! Anyway, hope you like, and R&R please, it makes me happy. **

**The songs that inspired: Homeless, I Will Be and A Moment Like This by Leona Lewis, Lonely Girl by Sandi Thom. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not Twilight, not Edward, and as far as I know the place described doesn't exist. I'd be surprised if it did, so if anyone knows of such a place, please tell me. **

Edward POV

My sister eyes' glazed over and I tried not to focus on her. My efforts were in vain, for as soon as I looked at Alice her vision swallowed me also.

Bella was standing in a kitchen, surrounded by werewolves, and she was talking to a scarred girl whom I recognised as Emily, the Alpha's mate_. _I shuddered at the thought of my Bella, in amongst all those beasts, uncontrollable and liable to kill her at any given time. Why couldn't she see it? A very good example was standing right in front of her! Why did she have to be such a danger magnet?!

My vision returned gradually, and I looked to Alice, my expression one of remorse. She smiled sadly.

_There's nothing I can do, I'm so sorry... _I sighed. Of course there was nothing she could do, why should I expect anything else. I stood, and walked out the room briskly, unable to bear the strain of company for any longer.

I was outside in an instant, and running before I even realised I wanted to. I ran blindly, not concentrating on my surroundings, running to escape, running to clear my mind. But, as usual, it didn't work. At times a complex vampire mind was useful, but at the current moment in time it was nothing but a nuisance, preventing me from true peace. If only I could sleep, though if I were to sleep, I would dream, and I knew what I would dream about...

I stopped abruptly, coming to a sudden halt when I realised I'd reached the treaty line. I wondered how long I'd been contemplating my situation, to be able to reach Forks and not realise it. I sighed, changing direction and running south alongside it. I ran quickly, as fast as I thought possible, until I passed the boundaries my previous visits had set, and I was running into the unknown, further than I had ever been. I ran through the trees, until they thinned, then I was running over empty, grass covered space. I ran further, until I reached the edge of the ground, finding the cliff.

I stopped, gazing out over the sea, towards the horizon, for a few seconds before sinking to the floor. I sat, cross-legged, facing the cliff edge and the sea beyond. Looking below, I saw a deserted beach, no sound but the gentle roar of the waves. I sat there, time rushing past, watched the sun set, the stars appear, the sun rise and sparkle on my skin. There was no road in sight, I was sure this place was known to myself only, therefore was comfortable remaining in the sunlight, for a while, that is.

Before long, memories returned to me, things I'd rather forget than suffer the pain they caused. I remembered the last time I'd allowed myself into the light like this, but then I had not been alone. My love, my Bella, had accompanied me, and I was still unsure as to whether I regretted the trip or not. It had been wonderful; to be able to share the amazing world I lived in, to experience it with someone other than my family. But, like everything else I had held dear, that too had been ripped away from me, though this time by my own, foolish, choices, instead of fate and its seeming hatred for myself and myself alone.

My vision clouded again, as I was blinded by tears that would never fall. I put my head in my hands as I sobbed quietly, the lump in my throat catching my words of anguish, of pain and self loathing. I wished I had decided against leaving, I wished I had seen the consequences, that it rip both of us apart, that life lost meaning with her gone, that I was killing, slaughtering even, a love so pure and right and good, and that it deserved to live. Nothing could comfort me now, not my family, not the joy of running or music. I was an empty shell, devoid of anything but pain and despair. The only thing that kept my alive was the fact that she was still living, that there was a slim chance she might want me back. But it was a very slim chance, almost too slim to be recognised as a chance at all.

I sighed and closed my eyes, blinking away the trapped tears. As soon as my eyes were closed, my mind flooded with pictures of _her_, and I knew that only opening my eyes would banish them, but opening my eyes would only remind me of other, painful things.

I let my mind wander, and as it wandered I wondered. I wondered whether she also experienced such torture, if she was forced to see me every time she closed her eyes, if almost every little thing reminded her of things she too would rather forget. I wondered whether she truly believed the lies I had told her that fatal night, whether she wondered if I still loved her, if I hated her, if she had fallen for the werewolf scum. I scowled at the thought. I wondered what she was doing right now, if she thought of me as much as I thought of her, if she was as broken and empty as I was, or if she was carrying on, trying to be strong for her father's sake, or if she had maybe decided Forks carried too many painful reminders and had moved back to Phoenix...The thought of her somewhere I couldn't be was almost too painful, and I tried desperately to divert my mind onto other things. I wondered if she wondered about me like I did about her.

I opened my eyes, as I realised my thoughts were chasing each other in endless circles, each trying to catch the next, providing me with no answers, only even more questions, even more doubts. I looked once more across the blue seemingly endless expanse of water that was the sea, tinged slightly pink in the sunset. I sighed, realising my family would be worried and I would have to return. As I stood and turned, I memorised my surroundings, filing it all away for any future visits, and I was sure there would be more visits. Then I turned and ran back towards the forest, towards my home, towards all the anguish that waited me, away from the first real comfort I had found in months.


	2. AN: Sequel?

**Author's Note:**

**I've noticed quite a few people have alerted this, which I've taken to mean they want a sequel. Does anyone else want a sequel? One could be written if one was desired.**

**I shall put up a poll on my profile for those interested, and you can always review.**

**RhymingWithSilver**


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